Good morning my friends, I hope everyone is having a wonderful and beautiful Sunday! It’s also the first Sunday of the 2022-2023 NFL football season! Thank the lord, because if you know me, unless I can be in a pool, I would rather it be chilly, and football does bring those orange leaves and fall breezes. YAY! I may be a bit crazy, some of you already know this, but I love getting all bundled up and being cozy. I went to Chicago one year for my 25th birthday and it was the coldest day in like 75 years, I was stoked, my bestie that went with me, not so much. That being said, this is also my first winter without a garage for the Kia and with a 25 minute commute, I may be soon changing my mind, but as of today, I am still rocking those pro-cold vibes. But enough about that, let’s get into what’s been going on.
Time has sped up, I am convinced. Actually it most likely hasn’t but damn, It for sure feels like it has! One thing that is different and may be impacting my perception of time, is the fact that I have never lived in the “city” before, nor have I ever had more than about a 10 minute commute to work. I currently live in the Wesport area of KC, I love it, it’s probably not for everyone, but if I wanted what I was used to, I would have stayed exactly where I was. Now, if I want a lemonade, a muffin, Ande’s ice cream, which I always do, being alcohol free comes with strong sugar cravings that are an actual bitch, but hey, at least it’s not straight vodka or crack. It’s the small wins my friends! I have to put on a bra, shoes, pants, seems silly but hey, you’ve all seen those signs “no shoes no shirt no service”, that’s because some asshat came in one day with neither of those on, I am currently trying to avoid being said asshat. Once I am ready for the outside world I walk down 3 flights of stairs, find my car, find the sweetness, drive back home, look for parking, dodge any questionable patrons and/or activities, and head back up to our 3rd story unit. It’s like we’re in a game of Grand Theft Auto; just kidding, it’s not really, we just may have the GTA soundtrack, sirens are never far, especially on Saturday’s. Going to the store takes longer, getting to work takes longer, going or doing anything just takes a little longer, mostly because of parking, man do I wish we had that Chicago style public transit, you don’t even need a car! Other than those small, different and slightly inconvenient adjustments, city life for me has meant a healthier lifestyle. I am walking more, we can walk to Westport which I love, there are so many local spots to try and shop at. The City Farmers Market is a hop, skip and metro link ride away, I love going there on Saturday’s for local produce and veggies, so much better than what’s at the store. Zobi’s daily walks and outside adventures have greatly improved, other than her trying to rip the shorts off of a grown man last week, that’s a whole other story. She’s fine, he’s fine, but I was convinced we’d have to move. Of all the people to start shit with, she chooses our building maintenance man, I almost had a heart attack. She literally thinks this whole building is her house, and she must protect it. Moral of the story, we bought a muzzle and Zobi gets more walks. Outcome as of now, she actually does have protective instincts, who knew, has lost 5lbs, and is currently in the market for a new two-piece swim suit.
I also could be thinking time is moving faster because it is, and I am conscious for it, being consistently intoxicated is the easy way out. Feeling all of your feelings is hard, having to deal with your mistakes is hard, having to own up to your faults is hard, being a human being in this world is hard, finding enough time in the day is hard. For me, alcohol was a crutch, anything bad happened, I was at the bar, drowning my sorrows. If I got a raise or a new job, I was at the bar, celebrating. If I was feeling any way or anything at all, I was drinking my way through it. I wish I would have known alcohol wouldn’t give me anything back besides cloudy memories, scars, and a very sick liver. Time is now teaching me a lesson; you only get so much of it, and one of my biggest regrets is not cherishing the time I had to make better decisions in or with my life. Don’t get me wrong, I have lived a beautiful life, my parents and family gave me a beautiful childhood, but I had many opportunities that I didn’t take seriously or pissed away because I was always worried I would miss out on something great, those something greats were always alcohol accompanied, they weren’t always what I needed to be focused on or what I would even remember. I am fully aware that I have a lot of time to make up. Maybe that is why time seems to be moving so quickly. I want and am trying to make up for all the times I have let people down in the past, I want to make an effort to be a better friend, I want to be a better employee, and coworker, I want to spread joy, I want to give people hope, I just want to be a better version of me. I want my loved ones on earth and beyond to look down upon me and be proud.
Yesterday was a cloudy and rainy day, maybe to give us a beautiful morning to wake up to, and a day filled with sun, cooler weather, new opportunities, and hopefully, a Chiefs win! No matter what happened yesterday; reflect, remember, continue to learn, grow, challenge yourself, be happy, try not to sweat the small stuff, and if certain names and things bring you joy, keep them in your corner. That’s a hard thing to find sometimes.
P.S. I will never forget where I was 21 years ago today, sitting in a classroom watching two towers fall to the ground, effecting so many lives and forever changing our nation. My thoughts and prayers have and will continue to be with those whose lives were forever changed that Tuesday morning, September 11th, 2001. Sending love and peace.