We made it to 2023! Can y’all believe it’s actually 2023!? I’m just waiting for those little pizzas from Back to the Future part II to become a thing. You guys remember, McFly, aka Michael J. Fox’s mom comes home with a tiny pizza, throws it in that dehydrator and BAM! They have like a 26″ ginormous green pepper and pepperoni pizza pie; with the way things are going, that may be next! We already have self driving vehicles, who the hell knows what’s coming in 2023, but let’s recap 2022 a bit, shall we!?
I am currently laying on my couch, watching an addiction documentary, I know, big shocker, and finally trying to write some of my thoughts down since the last time. I have been thinking a lot about this post because I first starting writing a year ago this month, so I guess it’s a little bit of a special post for me. Before I started blogging I had always tried to keep a journal; the younger me kept a diary but the older me tried to journal. Only problem was most of the time I was too drunk to remember what I wanted to write about, or, it turned into some kind of self-wallowing exercise about whatever bad relationship I was in at the time. I take that back, not all of the relationships were bad, some were good, some were fun, some were regretful, some I ruined, some ended because they needed to, and most, I learned something from. I believe people come into your life for a reason, whether they stay or not, is really a different story, and not always up to you, but that’s okay, because things also happen for a reason. One thing I wish I would have spent more of my time and effort on, like my journaling, and what I want to set as a goal for myself moving forward, is working on my relationship with me, myself and I; as well as others of course. After all, if you can’t make yourself happy, you’re going to have a tough time making someone else happy, and by the way, you’re not responsible for anyone else’s happiness; on the flip side, you can’t rely on others for yours. You gotta find whatever makes YOU happy AND HEALTHY, and keep doing it, for as long as you can.
The holidays are tough for anyone in recovery, I am sure. Personally and luckily it doesn’t really bother me to be around people who are drinking anymore, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. Do I miss having a nice glass of Pinot Noir to accompany my rare-plus filet at a NYE dinner, absolutely, do I miss Christmas morning mimosas, you betcha, do I miss Colorado Bulldogs on a chilly morning, fireball in my anything or a nice glass of vino on a Friday night, OF COURSE. But just because I miss the thought of something, doesn’t make me want to throw away everything I have worked so hard for, to endure something so poisonous to my body once more. It’s just not worth it. I mean, I also miss that feeling of cocaine running down the back of my throat after snorting that first line of the night, some of you know, that drip bruh! Whew! But guess what, there’s never enough coke, those of you that know, KNOW! Not to mention what’s in cocaine and every other drug out there today, it’s simply f*cking scary, be careful if you’re still experimenting, this is not Boston George’s coke from BLOW y’all, there is fentanyl in everything, even if you’re not looking for it. However, If you’re lucky enough to get through your wild bender, you most likely feel like absolute dog shit. Literally, if dog shit had a feeling it would be anyone after doing all of their cocaine and coming to. Think Nick Nolte’s mugshot, and no hate towards Nick, I am a HUGE Blue Chips fan, Neon Bordaux and Butch McCray were my favs in that flick, still one of my favorite movies! But Nick’s mug shot with the Hawaiian shirt is one for the books y’all!
I didn’t know what was going to come my way in 2022, no one does. I went into last year feeling better than I had felt in years. I was getting healthier by the day, thank the lord, my boyfriend Ricky and I had just started dating again, I had a good job, I had my family and I was just starting to relearn how to love my life again. Going into 2023, feels somewhat similar, the two things that are vastly different, my zip code and the company who signs my paycheck. My boyfriend Ricky and I are still going strong in the shoebox, for those of you that know us and for the ones that don’t, we joke about our address quite a bit. We live in about a 500 sq. ft apartment in the Westport neighborhood of Kansas City, one closet, one bathroom, one 80 pound dog, you can walk from the front door to the back door in like 10 steps, but we love it, and I love the sounds of the city. When my dad was visiting last he said while it was raining, and cars were swishing by on the road, it sounded like the ocean from our 3rd story apartment, you know what, he’s not wrong. I was fortunate enough to start a new career in 2022, slinging that auto and home insurance, I would have never gotten this job or been able to execute, enjoy, or succeed in doing this job if I was still drinking. That’s a fact. I don’t know how many times I sat in a meeting shaky, trying to focus on anything but the fact that I needed something to drink, and SOON, to settle my anxiety, that’s such an awful feeling. For anyone reading this and thinking the same, just know, it can get better! I have not once called in sick to the new gig, have I wanted to out of pure exhaustion, FOR SURE, but have I had to because I drank a whole bottle of Sailor Jerry’s on a Sunday afternoon during a random softball game, no, no I haven’t! And guess what, I’m going to see how long I can keep this “no sick days” thing going, because for once, I am going to take pride in my work and my own control over my ability to execute it. That same mentality could go for relationships; how many times I showed up drunk to a date, got wasted during dinner, slept during a comedy show, or missed an event because I was too hungover. I have lost so many memories, not to mention opportunities, that I will never get back, but at least there is time to make and hopefully receive many more.
So what have I learned spending a full year booze-free, mostly that alcohol doesn’t deserve to be put on a pedestal and it doesn’t and won’t bring you happiness. If you think it’s the only way to have fun, try a weekend without it, if it’s a struggle, really look at what alcohol is giving you back and how you use it. Be honest, I never could do Dry January, I knew I would fail, now I have to, but I have never been so grateful for something being taken out of my life that didn’t need to be there. Booze can bring you pain, loss, hurt and much regret if you’re not careful, after all it’s literally poison. You are not bullet proof, nor is your body, I thought mine was, I never thought I would almost ruin my life for a man-made substance. Time goes fast, really fast, cherish your days and who you spend them with, and while you’re at it, try to remember them my friends, you’ll never get this day again. Smile and have a happy Sunday! Cheers to 2023, let’s see what will be.
Stay safe my friends, till next time, hasta! 🙂